“My child is physically alive, but the person I knew doesn’t exist anymore. Seeing other parents with normal relationships reminded me of how life could have been, and that reminder hurt. “I’m grieving someone who’s still breathing. This is called ‘ambiguous loss,’ and it is one of the most painful forms of absence because there is no closure.” , mom in PA

We lived through years of what seems like a double memory, how could we have all these memories, decades. Now, uncertainty, despair, hopelessness and powerlessness, and that was BEFORE anything final happened. I lived in this hell for years. Every day wondering if today is the day I lose them, then it happened. Out of the blue, unexpected. Cut Off.

What ever happened seems like my kids brain was hijacked. They lied to my face about things I witnessed. They rewrote our history. They blamed me for problems they created. This affects how they connect and handle emotions. They say I was the problem. The child I knew, the one before this started, is gone. It’s like dealing with a stranger who looks like them- but acts completely different, so hateful.

Many parents felt blamed and misunderstood. Society looks at me and asked “What did you do wrong? How did you fail them?” Other affected families showed massive negative effects on our personal lives, family relationships, and social connections. I searched my memory constantly. What did I miss? What should I have done differently? The guilt is crushing. The guilt of not knowing what my crimes are, there must be something tangible in the history, right? It does not make sense. , – Oregon

The stigma has damaged our social life and relationships. I cannot talk to other parents anymore. When they complained about normal parent problems, I wanted to scream, disappear, or escape. When they bragged about their kids’ accomplishments, I felt the hole in my chest.

Affected families pull away from others, facing shame, embarrassment, fear of being judged, and isolation. I withdrew from everyone. I didn’t go to family gatherings. I didn’t answer when people asked “How’s your son?” I was living in isolation because no one understood.

My child found a whole online network of people who supported the lies, hate, and behavior. Friends who participated. Partners who do not challenge them. Online communities that told them their behavior was fine, acceptable, ‘healthy’. The beliefs that other family members (inlaws) had about what was happening influenced the outcome, but I wasn’t even IN their family anymore. I’d been replaced by people who would not threaten their worldview. , loving and imperfect parent of an adult son, married, now I am left wondering what happened.

If I said anything that challenged their choices, anything at all, they cut me off. They raged. So I learned to stay quiet. I enabled because the alternative was losing them completely. I was clueless as to the eventual ending of the relationship. Our family tried to manage the unpredictability, exhausted by trying to find stable ground. Looking back, every conversation, by phone, text or even a share of a photo was a minefield.

One parent identifies this as “unknown loss”, distinct from other types of memorials. Parents who lost a child, through Discard encounter massive stigma, while experiencing “disenfranchised grief”, which is a something that cannot be openly acknowledged, which meant they get no social support.

Even parents whose children are still alive experience this special altered reality of sorts. We are mourning while everyone tells us to “apologize”, “give them space” or “let them figure it out.”

Studies show that 34.2% of people affected by a family member meet “criteria for complicated griefGrief often includes physiological distress, separation anxi... More, compared to only 5% in the general population”. That equates to nearly SEVEN TIMES the normal rate. Studies are great, but that does not help me now.

Studies show that the stigma combined with the heavy family burden can lead to physical, mental, social and emotional illnesses.

The “domino-like effect” on our lives, expectations were destroyed, which greatly affected feelings and actions, and consequently several aspects of our social lives.

Entire lives are consumed. Marriages strained. Other relationships suffered. Careers took hits from the stress. As health deteriorates, so does lack of sleep, focus, motivation. Every part of parents lives are infected by this.

The hardest truth: Experts emphasized that the individuals chose their destinies, family members cannot force it. I did not cause it. I cannot control it. I cannot cure it. , helpless in hawaii

Parents, and families members are loving a ghost. Grieving someone who was still alive. Blamed by society. Isolated from support. Living in a special kind of hell that no one acknowledges.

And the world expected us to just “respect their journey.”